My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
***
The more I know about men the more I like dogs.
***
Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything in the house.
***
Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman.
***
I am not a cat man, but a dog man, and all felines can tell this at a glance -- a sharp, vindictive glance.
***
Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the sexes.
***
Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
***
The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs.
***
On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars.
***
Why can't women tell jokes? Because we marry them!
***
Why do men like intelligent women? Because opposites attract.
***
Men think monogamy is something you make dining tables out of.
***
Every time a woman leaves off something she looks better, but every time a man leaves off something he looks worse.
***
Man has will, but woman has her way.
***
For everybody knows that it requires very little to satisfy the gentlemen, if a woman will only give her mind to it.
***
If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.
***
If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?
***
Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison.
***
Don't let a man put anything over on you except an umbrella.
***
A man in the house is worth two in the street.
***
Men can read maps better than women. Cause only the male mind could conceive of one inch equalling a hundred miles.
***
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
***
Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone.
***
I wanted to make it really special on Valentine's day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV.
***
Show me a man who lives alone and has a perpetually clean kitchen, and 8 times out of 9 I'll show you a man with detestable spiritual qualities.
***
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
***
My attitude toward men who mess around is simple: If you find 'em, kill 'em.
***
There's nineteen men livin' in my neighborhood eighteen of them are fools and the one ain't no doggone good.
***
What is man, when you come to think upon him, but a minutely set, ingenious machine for turning, with infinite artfulness, the red wine of Shiraz into urine?
***
Why is it men are permitted to be obsessed about their work, but women are only permitted to be obsessed about men?
***
Men are generally more law-abiding than women. Women have the feeling that since they didn't make the rules, the rules have nothing to do with them.
***
Whether women are better than men I cannot say—but I can say they are certainly no worse.
***
Always suspect any job men willingly vacate for women.
***
A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.
***
***
The more I know about men the more I like dogs.
***
Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything in the house.
***
Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman.
***
I am not a cat man, but a dog man, and all felines can tell this at a glance -- a sharp, vindictive glance.
***
Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the sexes.
***
Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
***
The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs.
***
On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars.
***
Why can't women tell jokes? Because we marry them!
***
Why do men like intelligent women? Because opposites attract.
***
Men think monogamy is something you make dining tables out of.
***
Every time a woman leaves off something she looks better, but every time a man leaves off something he looks worse.
***
Man has will, but woman has her way.
***
For everybody knows that it requires very little to satisfy the gentlemen, if a woman will only give her mind to it.
***
If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.
***
If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?
***
Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison.
***
Don't let a man put anything over on you except an umbrella.
***
A man in the house is worth two in the street.
***
Men can read maps better than women. Cause only the male mind could conceive of one inch equalling a hundred miles.
***
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
***
Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone.
***
I wanted to make it really special on Valentine's day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV.
***
Show me a man who lives alone and has a perpetually clean kitchen, and 8 times out of 9 I'll show you a man with detestable spiritual qualities.
***
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
***
My attitude toward men who mess around is simple: If you find 'em, kill 'em.
***
There's nineteen men livin' in my neighborhood eighteen of them are fools and the one ain't no doggone good.
***
What is man, when you come to think upon him, but a minutely set, ingenious machine for turning, with infinite artfulness, the red wine of Shiraz into urine?
***
Why is it men are permitted to be obsessed about their work, but women are only permitted to be obsessed about men?
***
Men are generally more law-abiding than women. Women have the feeling that since they didn't make the rules, the rules have nothing to do with them.
***
Whether women are better than men I cannot say—but I can say they are certainly no worse.
***
Always suspect any job men willingly vacate for women.
***
A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.
***
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